In honor of Valentine’s Day, we wanted to know: what’s your love language?
If you haven’t heard of the Five Love Languages, well, you’re missing out. Developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., the five love languages describe the ways we as individuals feel loved and appreciated. Depending on what “language” is most meaningful to us, we may feel loved in different ways than our partners, friends, children or spouses do. By understanding our own love languages – and, most importantly, the love languages of our loved ones – we can better understand their needs and find ways to show our love in the way that’s most meaningful to them.
The five languages are:
● Words of affirmation
● Gifts
● Acts of service
● Quality time
● Physical touch
Now, all of us “speak” all five of these languages – we aren’t monolinguistic when it comes to our feelings! However, we all have a “primary” language and a “secondary” language that come most naturally to us.
If your primary love language is words of affirmation, this means that you receive love best through spoken language. Compliments (“you look beautiful today!”), statements of thanks (“I appreciate that you took the garbage out”), or even just a simple “I love you” can go a long way to making you feel loved, appreciated and cared for.
Gifts, on the other hand, means that nothing makes you feel more loved than a meaningful or thoughtful gesture from your partner. This isn’t necessarily a materialistic thing, either. Gifts don’t need to be extravagant purchases – simple things like your partner picking up your favorite candy bar at the store mean just as much as an over-the-top gesture. Gifts are a physical expression of your loved one saying, “I got this because I was thinking of you and knew you’d like it.”
The acts of service love language means that you feel most loved when your partner does something for you without being asked, like cook dinner, picking up a prescription, cleaning the house or washing the dishes. It’s the “actions speak louder than words” love language.
Quality time means that spending time with the people you care about is the most important thing anyone could give you. Whether you’re watching Netflix on the couch or taking a fun trip with the people you care about, quality time embodies the idea of “undivided attention.” It’s all about you and your loved one...and it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, as long as you’re together.
Physical touch means that a kiss, hug, holding hands or any form of physical connection is how you feel loved by your partner. You want to feel close to them not just emotionally, but physically.
Knowing your primary love language and the love language of your partner (and anyone else you care about) is a wonderful way to get to know him or her better...and allow you to find deep, meaningful ways to connect. Take the quiz for yourself, and gain a new depth of insight to your relationships!